


let her go

by EinfachNiemand



Series: hooked on you [1]
Category: Blindspotting (2018)
Genre: Angst, Collin hoskins being sad, F/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:34:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26664502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EinfachNiemand/pseuds/EinfachNiemand
Summary: "i no longer love her, that’s certain, but maybe i love herlove is so short, forgetting is so long"- pablo neruda
Relationships: Collin Hoskins/OC, Miles/Ashley, daveed diggs / oc
Series: hooked on you [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1940113
Kudos: 4





	let her go

“No green juice today, Collin?” Val asked as he and Miles walked into the office.

“No, they stopped sellin’ that shit. Kinda disappointed,” he chuckled. Miles rolled his eyes and snatched the clipboard from where it hung on the bulletin board. Val shot the blonde man a glare as he disappeared into the locker room, flipping her the middle finger over his shoulder.

“How are you?” Val asked, surveying Collin’s face.

“I’m doin’ just fine. Y’know, we ain’t gotta make this a thing, Valerie,” he sighed, stuffing his hands in his pockets. 

“What do you mean?” she asked, furrowing her eyebrows. He shot her a pointed look.

“I know you’re screwin’ some dude from The Sco.”

“Collin--”

“No, no. It doesn’ matter. My opinion doesn’ matter,” he mumbled as he turned to make his way to the locker room. Collin ignored Val as she called after him.

After changing into their uniforms, Collin and Miles finally made their way out to the truck. When Collin reached to grab the clipboard off the seat to look at the address of their only move for the day, Miles snatched it up immediately and held it out of reach. Collin scoffed and reached for it, but the other man stuffed it under his leg, making the clipboard inaccessible.

“Bruh, the fuck?” Collin asked, staring at his friend. Miles turned from where he was staring out the side window and looked at Collin with concern in his eyes.

“What? Man, the address is on the sticky note. We goin’ to Santa Clara,” Miles said before turning back to the window. Collin scoffed and pulled onto the street, making their way to the freeway.

“You gonna tell me who the move is for, or are you gonna sit there all cryptic ‘n shit?” Collin asked after a few minutes of irregular silence. 

“You’ll find out when we get there, man,” Miles said quietly. Collin rolled his eyes.

“Is it someone we know?”

“Yes,” Miles glared at him.

“Shit, are they famous?”

“Debatable.”

“Do I like them--”

“Collin, stop!” Miles snapped. Collin turned to look at his friend, who was lightly chewing on the end of one of his fingernails, something he only did when he was lying or hiding something.

“Bruh, the fuck is your problem?” he asked, turning his attention back to the road. “You take one look at the damn clipboard, and suddenly you’re bein’ all moody. What the hell are you hiding?”

“You’re not ready for this, man,” Miles said quietly, not making eye contact. “Just... just drive, aight?”

“Whatever,” Collin grumbled. He reached over to the radio and switched it on, turning the volume up to drown out Miles’ attitude. 

The rest of the drive to Santa Clara was quiet, only the sound of the music on the radio and Collin’s whispered rapping filled the air in the cabin. When they finally arrived at their destination, he let out a low whistle and put the truck in park, turning off the engine. He leaned forward and surveyed the home through the windshield before shaking his head slowly. 

“Damn,” he whispered. 

The passenger door slammed shut, jolting him back to reality. Rolling his eyes, he climbed out of the truck, walked around, and leaned against the cold metal of the door next to where Miles stood with the clipboard tucked securely under his arm.

“Where’s this bitch movin’ to anyway?” Collin asked, kicking a rock on the ground with his boot.

“Oakland. Just a few blocks down from me and Ash, actually,” Miles said, squinting as the sun beat down on the two of them.

Without another word, the two men made their way up the walkway to the open front door. Collin knocked on the wooden door frame and announced their presence. Taking a tentative step in, he looked around for a sign of the owner. When she came around the corner, he locked eyes on her and froze. The lump rising in his throat was painful as he stood glued to the floor, heart beating aggressively against his ribcage.

Miles gave Collin an apologetic glance before approaching the woman and enveloping her in a tight hug. The two of them shared a friendly greeting and a laugh as he handed her the clipboard. Taking it from him, she grabbed the pen attached to it and dragged it across the bottom of the paper. With a smile, she handed it back to him and pointed through a doorway. Miles nodded and turned to look at Collin one last time before disappearing down the hall.

When the woman turned her attention back to him, Collin let out the breath he had been holding in. Blinking, he shook his head and looked between the open front door and her. She approached him slowly, stopping when she was a few feet away and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Hey,” she whispered. “Um, how are you?”

She gave him a small smile. He shook his head in disbelief and let out another huff of air. 

“Shit, uh. I’m... I’m okay, I guess,” he stammered, shifting on his feet. She nodded slightly. “Life’s been in limbo a bit since I got off probation, but otherwise, I think I’m good.”

“Yeah, Miles told me about that,” she muttered, casting her gaze down to her feet and wiggling her toes.

“Miles told you?” he asked, furrowing his brows as he watched her.

“Uh, yeah. We’ve been in touch the past few years. We’ve hung out a couple times since I moved back two years ago, and I guess it just slipped out in conversation,” she said quietly, raising her eyes to meet his. 

“Two years?” his jaw dropped, and he staggered backward, crossing his arms. Collin scoffed and shook his head, biting his lip before continuing. “You’ve been back and hanging around my best friend for  _ two years, _ and neither of you fucking told me about it?”

“Forgive me for not wanting to talk to the man who shattered my fucking heart, Collin,” she snapped.

The iciness of her voice sent a shiver down Collin’s spine as he was slapped in the face with a memory he’d tried for so many years to suppress. She glared at him and shook her head. “Or did you forget that you left me sitting on that swing, alone, in the middle of the night, after telling me you didn’t love me anymore?”

Collin opened his mouth to protest, but nothing came out. He had no words, just a lump in his throat that wouldn’t go away. The girl scoffed and bit her lip as she stared into his eyes, watching them fill with regret as he drowned in a million memories. Finally, she sighed and turned to walk away. 

“Just... work on the living room. Send Miles if you need anything from me,” she said quietly, before disappearing back around the corner and down the hall. 

As soon as she was out of sight, Miles poked his head around the corner. Collin turned to him and narrowed his eyes. 

“You didn’t say anything because it was  _ Adianna _ ?” Stepping into the room, Miles held up his hands in defense. Collin shook his head and walked up to the shorter man, glowering down at him. “And you’ve known she’s been back for  _ two years, _ and you didn’t think I would wanna know that?”

“She didn’t wanna see you, man, I’m sorry,” Miles said, turning to pick up a box off the floor. 

“And she wanted to see you?” Collin snapped, picking up one of the other cardboard boxes and following Miles out the door to the truck. He balanced the box on his knee as he unlatched the roll-up door on the back and hoisted up the strap.

“I’m not the one who broke her damn heart, Collin,” Miles muttered under his breath. 

Collin sighed but didn’t say another word as they went back inside to retrieve more of the seemingly never-ending boxes. The two men worked most of the day in silence, an odd occurrence for them. Usually, the air would be filled with banter or elevated speech. Instead, there was a tension between the friends that only intensified whenever Adianna was in the same room as them. Collin did his best to stay out of her way, but he was caught gazing at her on more than one occasion.

As the day went on, Adianna’s glances at Collin grew softer. He noticed that her shoulders had begun to slump more, and she seemed more comfortable in his presence. He, on the other hand, felt nauseous every time she spoke, his stomach churning uncomfortably.

Finally, the house was empty save a few small things that Adianna had requested be placed in her car when they left, and one box that sat on the small counter between the kitchen and the living area. Collin wrapped his arms around the cardboard and pulled it off the counter. As he did so, he felt something land softly on his boot. Shifting the box to the size, he glanced down at it. 

Bending down, he gently placed the cardboard box on the floor and picked up the stack of photos, turning them over in his hand. Standing up straight, he sifted through them. He recognized a younger version of himself as well as his two best friends and Adianna. A faint smile spread across his lips as he remembered that she had been obsessed with disposable cameras. She claimed that something was exciting about filling them up and tucking them away somewhere where they would sit for years gathering dust before getting developed. While he remembered the all too familiar and frequent fl flashes, he never remembered her ever getting the film developed. He decided she must have done this recently because there were no signs of aging on the photos.

Collin paused on one particular photo and gently traced his thumb across the print, smiling to himself with a small chuckle. Miles appeared next to him and glanced over his arm before shaking his head and grabbing the last box off the floor.

“I remember that night,” the blonde man said. “That was the night y’all fucked in the backseat after we made a munchie trip.”

“We didn’t  _ fuck _ ,” Adianna said quietly from where she stood on the other side of the room. Collin snapped his eyes up to meet hers, and she smirked. “Just a little foreplay.”

“Whatever. I still can’t believe y’all had the  _ audacity _ to fool around while I was going ninety on the freeway,” Miles said, shaking his head.

“It wasn’t the first time, bruh,” Collin said, looking at his friend. Miles turned and gave Collin a disgusted look.

“What the fuck, man? That’s just disrespectful,” Miles snapped before walking out the front door, leaving the other two alone.

“It was the last time, though,” Adianna mumbled as she walked to the kitchen to grab her purse and the last few items. “That was taken a week before…”

“Before we broke up,” Collin whispered. He looked up and found Adianna standing in front of him; the smile had faded from her eyes. 

“It wasn’t exactly a mutual decision, Collin,” she sighed, taking the photos from him. His breath hitched when their fingers brushed together, and he swallowed hard, trying to hold back the tears that had been threatening to fall down his cheeks all day. He opened his mouth to respond, but she cut him off.

“I’ll meet you guys at the new place. If you beat me there, there’s a key in a lockbox in the eave.” 

Without another word, she tucked the stack of photos into her purse and stepped aside, gesturing for him to leave before her. After a moment’s hesitation, he obliged, striding up to the passenger side of the truck and yanking open the door. Miles protested from where he sat, but Collin all but shoved him across the bench seat and in front of the steering column. 

“Bruh, Val’s gonna be pissed as hell you let me drive,” Miles grumbled, shoving the key into the ignition and turning it.

“I don’t give a flying fuck what Valerie thinks,” he said coldly, resting his elbow on the edge of the window. Miles chuckled slightly.

“That’s the shit I like to hear, Collin! Let the hate flow through you, my man.”

Collin shook his head and turned to look out the window. The city flew past them as they drove back to Oakland. He was lost in his thoughts, mulling over the photos he had seen earlier when Miles’ voice jerked him back to reality.

“When are you gonna tell her?” he asked. Collin turned and looked at him, furrowing his brows.

“Tell her what?”

“Collin, you bought a fucking ring,” Miles retorted. “You were so in love with that girl, and you were  _ this close _ to marrying her. Then, out of the blue, you just broke up with her?”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Miles. I hurt her, and she hates me. End of story.” Collin sighed as he looked back out the window.

“Ten years later, and you still have the ring in your fucking sock drawer,” Miles muttered, shaking his head.

“Why were you digging through my sock drawer?” Collin asked, more than a little afraid of the answer.

“My toes were cold -- that’s not the point, Collin!”

“Yeah, I know.”

“She’s a professor, you know,” Miles mumbled. He gave Collin a quick glance before turning back to the road. “She teaches psychology at Berkeley.”

“Wait, does she know--”

“Yeah,” Miles cut him off with a loud laugh. “Yeah, she’s had Val in almost all of her classes.”

“Shit,” Collin whispered, chuckling to himself at the realization of how small the world was.

The two of them chatted for the rest of the trip, throwing out random verses and having a laugh. Miles was doing everything he could to get his friend’s mind off of Adianna. 

Pulling up to an older home down the street from where Miles called home, the boys started unloading the truck in silence. When they first reached the door, Miles was frustrated to find that it was still locked. Collin sighed and started running his fingers along the trim of the porch roof before he found a smooth, black lockbox. Pulling it down, he turned it over in his hands. It had a six-digit combination, and Collin groaned, thinking of all the possibilities that it could be.

First, he tried her birthday. When that didn’t work, he tried the two years she had graduated from college. Neither of those worked, either, and he closed his eyes, wracking his brain for something else that could unlock it.

“No way,” he mumbled, opening his eyes and quickly punching in another date. The light blinked green, and he opened the small compartment to dig out the key. He let out a huff of air and shook his head before handing the key to Miles.

“What was the combination?” the blonde man asked, unlocking the door. Collin bit his lip and stared at the numbers on the lockbox in disbelief.

“Our anniversary.”

Miles gave him a surprised look as he handed back the small brass key. Collin put the key back in the compartment and placed the lockbox back where he found it. As the two of them worked to unload the truck, he tried to understand why that would be the combination. It didn’t make sense to him.

Once they had the majority of the boxes brought into the house, they began sorting them and placing them in the designated rooms. They were thankful that she took the time to label every box and even included labels on all the spaces that correlated with the labels on the boxes. Their jobs weren’t usually this easy. 

“I still don’t understand why you even broke up with her in the first place,” Miles said as they carried a bookshelf into one of the back bedrooms. 

“I don’t want to get into it, man,” COllin said. After leaning the shelf against one of the walls, they made their way back down the hall.

“Dude, just help me understand! It’s been ten fucking years, and neither of you have explained anything to me or Ash. All we know is that one day the four of us were best friends, and the next, you weren’t speaking to each other, and she had bolted off to the East Coast a week earlier than planned,” Miles accused as they came into the kitchen.

“Fine, you want to know?” Collin snapped, turning to glare at his friend, who nodded in annoyance. “She was about to give up an almost full-ride scholarship to Brown and--” he was cut off by the sound of someone clearing their throat behind him. Whipping around, he found Adianna standing there, clutching the stack of photos and looking between himself and Miles.

“Am I interrupting?” she asked quietly. Miles shook his head.

“No, Collin was just telling me why he decided to be a dumbass.”

Adianna turned to him, a confused look plastered on her face. COllin hung his head in defeat for a moment before taking a deep breath. Looking up, his eyes scanned her face, looking for some way to get out of explaining himself. When he didn’t see one, he continued with a soft, low voice.

“You were gonna throw away an Ivy League education, and for what?” he asked, not expecting an answer. “To stay here, go to a sub-par university, and keep dating your high school boyfriend?”

“Collin--” Adianna started, but he held up a finger to stop her. 

“You deserved --” he paused and shook his head. “You  _ deserve _ better than that, better than me. I mean, just look at you.” At this, he gestured to her and smiled slightly. “You’re beautiful, smart as hell, a goddamn college professor, and you could single-handedly foot the bill for a bougie-ass house in Santa Clara. And me?” he scoffed and gestured to himself. “I’m just the convicted felon in a jumpsuit living with his mother. I haven’t done anything meaningful with my life in ten fucking years.”

He stopped for a moment and looked up at the ceiling. Biting his lip, he blinked back tears for the third time that day. He took a deep, shaky breath before wiping his face with the sleeve of his jumpsuit.

“I had to make you hate me because I had to make it seem like the only option you had was to leave. I had to make sure you got the fuck out and got the life you deserve to have,” he finished, looking at her. She sighed and closed her eyes.

“I know why you did it, Collin,” she muttered, taking a small step toward him.

“What?” he whispered, furrowing his eyebrows.

“I have a Master’s degree in psychology. I do know some things,” she said, giving him a small smile. “I tried to hate you, but I just… couldn’t.”

“Why didn’t you want to see me after you moved back?” he asked quietly. She looked up at him and crossed her arms over her chest.

“I forgave you for hurting me a long time ago,” she said with a sigh. Collin’s jaw dropped slightly at the comment, and he quickly closed it, hoping she hadn’t noticed. “I didn’t want you to know I was back because I was worried that you hadn’t forgiven yourself. And it looks like I was right.”

They stood in silence for a moment, neither of them sure where to go from there. Fortunately for them, there was someone else in the room with no filter and a poor sense of timing.

“Yo, if y’all are done bein’ emotional ‘n’ shit, we gotta go clock out before Val tries to kill us both.”

Adianna nodded slightly and stepped aside, allowing the boys to slip past her and out the front door. She followed them out to say goodbye. Miles pulled her into a tight hug before trotting down the stairs and striding to the truck. Collin moved to follow him, but Adianna put a hand on his arm, and he stopped, turning toward her. Without a word, she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into a tight hug. A shiver ran down his spine, and he shuddered a bit at the touch but slowly slinked his arms around her waist, settling his hands on the small of her back. Squeezing her against him, he dropped his forehead to rest against her shoulder, hoping that his wet eyes wouldn’t leave a spot on the soft material of her shirt. As he stood there, enveloped in her arms, he felt a sense of comfort and peace that he hadn’t in a long time. Pulling back, he peels her arms off of him and lets them fall gently to her sides. He sniffled slightly and gave her a pathetic excuse for a smile before stepping off the porch.


End file.
